i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
