My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
