I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
