I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
