Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
