dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
