Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
