I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
