Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
