girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
