Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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