Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
