my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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