I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
