At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
