How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
