I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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