but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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