haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
