I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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