So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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