i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
