I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
