Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
