Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
