Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
