The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
