They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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