he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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