she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
