a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
