I looked at my own cervix.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
