Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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