Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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