I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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