I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
