I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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