You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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