My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
