I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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