My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
how does that bad decision feel?
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