I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
