I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
