I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
