dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How does one acquire holy water?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
