You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
