NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
