oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
