Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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