What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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