He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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