you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to be your penis for a week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
