I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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