ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
