i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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