I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
