I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
