yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
